The artists with the last name Sack working for Star Tribune uses their artistic ability to demonstrate the negative and shameful relationship between the media ,police, and innocent bystanders .The artists exemplifies his point by using the caption " don't shoot" to outline the relevant issue in today's society of police brutality and the caption on the police officer to give a recent example of police brutality to help the reader understand the message the image is trying to convey to the audience. The intended message is that police brutality is relevant and the media is highlighting it. Sacks intended purpose of publishing the image was to spread awareness of an issue disrupting society and spreading lack of trust in police officers.
Tighten it up- reduce and clarify
Focus on making more complex sentences
half and half analysis/summary
Graphic artist Sack's image addressing police brutality in Ferguson, Missouri shows the constant horror many innocent African Americans live in today. To communicate this, Sack portrays three African Americans who are in horror. This can be inferred do to the horrified expressions on their faces and their arms up as a sign of surrender. It can also be seen that both the policeman and the African Americans are saying "DON'T SHOOT!" This is added to the haunting image to make the audience realize that police men are trying to hide the true terror of their unnecessary actions.
Much better!!! Great structure and understanding of the piece.
In the image that is published by Sack sheds light of the irony that we see in police brutality. The illustrator depicts this irony by illuminating on the contrast between the two sides. The police officer doesn't want to be shot in fear of being called out for his wrong doings where as the colored people don't want to be shot for the sake of living. The illustrator is trying to prove to the audience the irony of the situation and why it needs to come to an end.
Solid précis style
A few off phrasings
Use people of color not colored people
Irony that people are both saying phrase- not police brutality ironic itself
"irony" used a lot
In Sack's illustration displays an overall tone of fear and concern. The police officer also shows a sense of anger, telling the cameraman to turn off the camera to display concern of the obvious consequences and backlash that could be caused by his actions. He portrays a sense of variety in the group by the difference in the way the three are dressed. He does this to relay the message that it is not just bad people who are punished, but the innocent, successful people who are paying for the color of their skin.
Combine sentences so you have evidence and analysis together
Go deeper- don’t merely state the obvious
more of a summary
In the artwork of the Star Tribune, we see a white policeman, Darren Wilson, shooting African American Michael Brown. This is being recorded by the media and being released to national television. Darren is yelling don't shoot to the cameraman. The artist included this to show that the police officer doesn't want to be shown comiting these racist acts. The African Americans are pleading for their life with their hands up. The fact that their hands are up shows that they are unarmed and not a potential threat to the officer but he shoots anyway proving that police brutality is a major problem. Since it was recorded, it brings national attention to the scene and shows the problem of hate crimes and police brutality in the United States.
You are reaching too far out in the specific names- the artist stayed general
Better format- structure this time
The artist Sack's image published in the Star Tribune asserts that in the Ferguson shooting two years ago, the police force was more caught up in the media's involvement that they didn't notice the lasting effect on society. The author displays pathos in the image by referencing how modern America has so many resources readily available to cause outrage among the population when tragedies happen. Sack intended to bring forth the idea of police superiority in the event that they disobey the law.
Much better style
“Lasting effect on society” is a stretch in that sentence
Star Tribune's graphic by Sack showcases the Ferguson shooting which stands as the shooting that shed the light on what today's uproar is about, police brutality. The artist highlights the comment "Don't shoot!" made by both the officer and the crowd to convey to the audience that the officers know what they are doing but do not want the negative publicity for doing so and the terrorized crowd is facing life or death for no apparent reason. The artist depicts a spiteful tone towards the officer by showing him as a seemingly cocky person ordering the media to "not shoot" so his ignorant and unfair acts are not for public viewing which would cause an irate emotion in the audience towards the officer because the officer desires the audience to not have knowledge for what is going on. Sack's intention is to bring light to what is happening in society still today and to compel the reader to feel sympathetic toward the crowd.
“Today's Uproar” established the wrong tone for this topic
Great 2nd sentence
In Sack's "Don't Shoot" graphic, Sack displays the problem of police brutality in a negative light. It is obvious to tell Sack thinks police brutality is a big problem, and he expresses that through this graphic. Sack shines negative light on the policeman in the graphic by him shouting "Don't Shoot" at the media so the public won't know what he is about to do. While the people being aimed at are also saying "Don't Shoot" as there lives are at risk for just being a different race. The author purposely puts the African Americans in nice clothes so the viewer thinks that the policeman is not aiming his gun at criminals, and just a couple normal, innocent people being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The author puts "Don't Shoot" in the graphic so the viewers are angry towards the policeman, and so that they feel sympathy towards the African Americans being aimed at.
Don’t repeat Sacks
Summarizing too much
Toward, not towards
repeats a lot
Sack's graphic image posted in the Star Tribune reveals the sorry truth of police brutality by displaying frightened citizens desperately crying for help. The Ferguson police officer is is an emphasis on the shadiness of authority today as he asks the camera man to not "shoot", which will end up being the start of African American movements we know today. The victims of color directly appeals to the emotional side of the audience as some can relate while others feel sympathy. The intention of the artist is to highlight the major dilemma in the United States of the African American minority being treated unequally by law enforcement. The event has created disputes two years later the image strongly conveys this through details of panicked citizens and assertive police men.
Better format this time
Last sentence is confusing
A good start- sounds rushed at the end
Sack sheds light on the indubitable truth behind police brutality towards people of a different color by contrasting the different emotions that the people are displaying. The abusive, white police officer is yelling at the media, "Don't shoot!" while the people of color are huddled together fearfully begging the officer to not shoot them. "Don't Shoot!" in the picture is being said by both the officer and people of color at the same time to show that the officer doesn't want this abuse to go public, but the minorities are huddled together begging for their life. It is obvious that the people of color aren't doing any harm and that they are being targeted just because of their skin color. Sack wanted to depict for the audience how minorities suffer just because their skin is a different shade.
More analysis than summary, but still too much summary
Shorten and focus your efforts
In the graphic image from the Star Tribune, the author Sack showcases the modern event of police brutality being exposed. Through the exclamation of "Don't shoot" being said by both the police officer and the victims being held at gunpoint, the irony of the situation is highlighted. The author's purpose is to show that the media is largely responsible for thrusting police brutality into the light, and that a recording of an arrest can be as life-altering as being shot. Sack's intention is to bring up the fact that police will no longer not be held accountable for their more often than not unnecessary actions, and to relate to an audience of people who are tired of police brutality being swept under the rug.
Much deeper thinking going on than surface obvious
Very well done
Sack's graphic image from the Star Tribune depicts the two way street between the terrified society and the wrongful doings of the police force. The armed man portrays how he doesn't want the media to film by specifying that he doesn't want them to shoot what is going on because he knows the problems he is creating. The petrified citizens of Ferguson in front of the gun highlights the fear of police now a days. This is to get society fired up about how police know what they are dong is wrong, but won't fix it.
I enjoy your play on words
More toward analysis than summary- but go deeper
Amp up your phrasing’s and sentence structure
This graphic image created by Sack, illuminates the police brutality that is present within our society. With the police officer centered in the image, it shows the pivotal affect the police force is having on both media and innocent victims . A vest reading "Ferguson" on the police officer is used to anger viewers, for a devastating shooting occured in Ferguson, Missouri recently. The authors uses terrified expressions on the victims faces to strongly suggest the fear that is within ordinary citizens today. This image results in readers feeling sympathy towards the helpless victims, while bashing the police force.
I like your 2nd sentence
Take out the Ferguson sentence- all summary
A bit too obvious
good word choice
In Sack's artistic rendering of the events that took place in Ferguson, Missouri the artist is showing how some police officers are finally being held accountable for the atrocities they commit. The fact that the people being held at gun point along with the police officer are both saying don't shoot presents the fact that police officers who perform brutal acts against unarmed civilians are not used to being held accountable by the media.The authors sole purpose in his or hers rendering was to show a shift in American society were we now hold everyone who takes part in an useless violent act accountable. The viewers walk away from this with the knowledge that not all police officers are good and it has taken too long to come to this realization.
That was great! Direct, clear
In the graphic image posted on the Star Tribune, the artist Sack depicted the controversial topic on mainstream media about the police shooting in Ferguson that asserts the thought: why did the police shoot, and why did they not want their actions to enter media? The police official hold a gun straight at three innocent African American who have their hands in the air. The officer then shouts at the media to not film his actions which emphasizes the wrong doing of the police. Sack was able to persuaded the audience by showing the whole situation in light with the true meaning and no outside opinion.
Never, never, never pose questions in your précis
The artist Sack gives a shocking, yet horrendous look into the reality of the modern African American's relationship with specifically white cops in America. The artist shows the beginning of this epidemic that has spread through America, which started in Ferguson, Missouri. African Americans can be seen shouting "Don't shoot!" with hands up and bulging eyes to depict their fear of the being held at gun point by a white cop. The authors intention in this picture is to expose police brutality in America along with media not getting involved, but simply sitting back and filming.
Yet indicates opposites
Shocking and horrendous are similar
Reads like narration instead of analysis
Some phrasing is right on
half and half analysis/summary
In the graphic produced by the artist Sack and the Star Tribune, the artist conveys that the noticeably Caucasian officer does not want to be recorded while aiming a fire arm at three African Americans, the author is showing a depiction of police brutality. He emphasized his point by putting a label on the officer that says "Ferguson" which is supposed to stand for Ferguson Missouri where police brutality against African Americans as first caught on film by the media. The authors purpose of this image is to show that police brutality against people of color is a very real incident that is continuously occurring. the artists intent is to relate the situation to his viewers.
Work on assertion sentence
Ferguson sentence is summary
Very basic recap
more of a summary
Ironically, the Star Tribune captures the harsh sentiments of media impact on the previously hidden secret of police brutality against person of color. The bold "Don't Shoot" message showcases both the media presence in unearthing injustice(through the fear of wide-eyed victims) and the nervousness of the locked and loaded officer. With finger on the trigger, Sack divides this debate into the two opposing viewpoints currently in the spotlight. Viewers are also to raise their arms in support of transparency of public figures.
In Sack's illustration publicized by the Star Tribune, he skillfully addresses both the irony and lack of morality in the police officers' concern, as it resonates in their public image rather than the people affected by the atrocious acts they are seen continuously committing. The word "Ferguson" on the officer's uniform obviously alludes to the tragedy that occurred in Ferguson, Missouri, or the numerous shootings, possibly even hinting that the authorities haven't learned from the repercussions of their actions. Sack's decision to depict the police officer and even the "media" as white, with the victims portrayed as minorities, only enhances his brutal message about police brutality all across America.
Right on format- so solid
Deep analysis and thinking
The Ferguson sentence could be omitted
In Sack's graphic image he highlights the terror of police brutality in society today. He uses the irony of the play on words "don't shoot" by the white police man aiming his weapon towards the colored people and telling the media to not shoot. This advises that police are treating the opposite color as inferior but not trying to be publicized by the media. This conveys that the police are more worried about their public figure than the safety of people no matter the color. With the victims being majorly black sheds hindsight on racism still happening.