There are many different factors to consider, before a similar law could move to Indiana. The first factor is how well the law works in Illinois. If it works well there, then Indiana might consider it. The State government might come to a decision if the law is necessary for us. Different states make different decisions on certain issues.
- only gave one reason
- needs more substance and original ideas
Many gramatical erros
one reason given
Before Indiana can make a decision like Illinois did, they must think about some factors that could possibly be affected because of this law. One factor Indiana should consider before implementing a law like this is how it's going to affect LGBT kids in school. Will it affect them in a positive or negative way? Another consideration is how the public is going to react. There are people in the world who don't agree with that that could be outraged by the idea and, in a sense, 'boycott' public schools.
- arguments are presented well
- needs more elaboration and elevated diction
some sentence config. errors
One of the factors that must be taken into consideration for us to pass a law similar to Illinois is to make sure there won't be as much violence. Once children start to learn more about the LGBTQ community, the ones that haven't came out yet might feel more confident to do it. Then another factor we would have to worry about is if parents approve of teachers teaching children about the LGBTQ, or the things they have done. So, if they start teaching it, they may want to have a parent signature to attend the lesson on that subject. Parents who don't approve, the children will be placed in a different class learning something else.
- coherent argument
- avoid "much" because it is not specific
- avoid general pronouns such as "they" it becomes harder to follow
Overall a sound argument
Before Indiana could mandate a law equivalent to that of Illinois One must look at the reproductions or outcome of a sensitive subject in today's environment. One must consider the backlash the LGBT community will experience. The LGBT community has come so far that the amount of anger and hatred this could possibly set them years back. One must also evaluate the opinions of those who send their children to public school with a certain mind set on what will be taught. Although all these things must be examined, Indiana should still implement LGBT history into public school because all history is important to our world today and it has a right to be known.
- great diction, your argument flows very well
- "has come so far" is subjective, instead give reference to an accomplishment for the group
- the last sentence should have a call to action- why is LGBT history so important?
reproductions? or repercutions
Gramatical errros(missing punctuation)
The factors that Indiana as a state must take in order to execute a law similar to that of the new Illinois law are, finding out the mistakes that Illinois may make and improving on them such as, making the class a required course to pass 8th grade and move forward. The reason that this would be a mistake would be because of personal beliefs and religion, although the law is a push toward equality and it would be good to learn some history, it can divide many parents and organizations that may believe the LBGT community is pushing their beliefs upon their children. This division can also give the rise to other problems such as parents refusing to allow their kids to return to class. The schools should also take teachers into consideration because, many teachers may not feel very comfortable talking about this subject because of the way they were brought up and vice versa with other people many may love the subject but, a lot of backlash may be served in the beginning. If Indiana takes these and other factors into consideration, then the best move would be to make the class an elective and not have it mandatory for every single student.
- original thoughts
- elevate diction, it will make your argument stronger
- there are a couple of inappropriate commas and sentence structure issues
- excellent solution to the potential backlash
One run on sentence
Overall good and had a solution to problem
The contributions from the LGBT community and backlash to the law would need to be taken into consideration. The state needs to inquire if the parents would want their children to be educated on LGBT history, for the parents may not support the LGBT community. Furthermore, the parents could claim that schools are pushing the LGBT lifestyle onto their children, for Indiana is a conservative state. Indiana should mandate the law that all public schools teach LGBT history.
- lists possible solutions before the law is enacted but does not provide the ramifications- so what the parents do not support the LGBT community? what are they going to do about it? include the answer to these questions to create a coherent argument.
-needs more elaboration
- no call to action
might think about adding another perspective
good sentence structure
Illinois recently passed a new law which mandates LGBT education in all of its public schools, in an effort to support the creation of a more safe environment. This law should be something that should be pushed for nation wide. The bill is an easy to integrate act, which should make life much better for anyone who is LGBT. It is unfortunate however, given the fact that Indiana is much more conservative this law would likely not pass in Indiana.
- provides no factors
- missed the prompt
- first comma not necessary
did not answer promp
Before Indiana would pass a law mandating LGBT history in public schools, they would have to survey public opinion. Indiana is a strong conservative state that might not be as welcoming of LGBT history as Illinois. Another difficult task would be reprinting all history books in Indiana to include this history. The article states, "the textbooks authorized to be purchased must include the roles and contributions of all people protected under the Illinois Human Rights Act and must be non-discriminatory as to any of the characteristics under the Act." This would cost the state thousands of dollars to recreate the books causing a financial problem. Another factor would be that the law would have to pass through the state legislature. Indiana also has a Republican dominant government that would be difficult to get the bill through.
- great diction
- try to paraphrase the quote to about 5 words or less
- no call to action- what about this law is great or not great? how will this effect society as a whole?
answers the promps well
Indiana should wait and see how the law goes in Illinois, and make the decision off of that. If the law causes a lot of disagreements, then Indiana should not do it but if the law is solid and there is no arguments then there should be no problems with Indiana do the same thing. It is a controversial topic so Indiana needs to be careful.
- no original thoughts
- argument is very simple and not complex
- anyone could make that argument
basic argument to complx problem
Factors that may effect Indiana passing the same law as Illinois in the article include will there be backlash, how will this effect the school system, and how will the kids be effected. Some with more conservative views may oppose this and cause protest or more violent events to unfold. But there was the same sort of issues once kids of other races came to "white only" schools. The school system could be put in a negative light if parents with opposing views wanted to withdraw their children fro school. Finally, if there are LGBT students attending school could this inflict more bullying on them. While people should be proud of who they are and in a perfect world everyone would be accepting of each other we don't live in that type of society. The most important thing to consider by passing these laws are the innocent children's safety. It is possible that educating the students that there are people who are different than them and have helped society through the years the students could become more accepting of one another.
- solid factors
-try not to present them as questions
- no call to action, try posing the race idea at the end for a very strong call to action
A factor that should be taken into consideration is the number of people that would support the potential passing of the law. For some legislators in Indiana, this law may seem to radical or maybe oversteping the laws boundries. Although it could be said that it is just like the civil rights movement and also how black history was put into text books, the LGBTQ+ community will take longer to intergrate into the system. Such a step would not jsy happen over night. I will take some time and other factors to call for the passing of the law.
Just for jsy
- watch punctuation
- only states one factor
- the black history comparison would be stronger at the end for the call to action
- elevate diction
Indiana needs to take in consideration that this law has just been introduced and passed in one state. They don't know exactly how students and adults will handle this and if it will be beneficiary to the school system. Because this law is newly passed, Indiana doesn't really know what to expect.
- states no factors
- what are some possible outcomes from Illinois passing the law? How should society as a whole feel about the law?
- no argument
Considering Indiana is a state that has been a Republican state for such a long time implies that most of the people here wouldn't be okay with this law being put into consideration before it's mandated. This law is one that would be more in favor and support of the LGBTQ+ community and a lot of the times Republicans really aren't. If this law were to be mandated here then, it would give people a reason to raise chaos. People of the LGBTQ+ community would just have more attention on them and when it comes down to this topic it wouldn't be a good thing for them to be put in the spotlight like this. They'd be more out in the open and it could cause a lot of people to bully them and discriminate against them even worse than how it would've been before this law was a thing.
- try to be more formal with your writing, this sounds like talking Kyla
- weak argument- try not to focus solely on the political party on Indiana. some other points could be the emotional aspect of students, how parents might take the law
In to make such a law, Indiana would have to consider something such as religion. It could be argued that the law would contradict Judeo-Christian beliefs and if its forces it would break the religious freedom aspect of school. Another question would be, how time is spent on the subject. Simple questions as such that haven't been answer proves that Indiana isn't ready for such a transition.
- focus more on student emotion, parental actions, etc.
- religion is an important factor but the fact LGBT history is thought does not break the religious freedom. other than that the factor was well presented
- the logistics of the time is class is not of great importance
Indiana would not be able to mandate a law like this because Indiana isn't as accepting as Illinois. A few things to take into consideration would be how the school systems would do after a law like this and how much community support they will lose. A school thrives on the support of its community, activities like football rely heavily on the community for funding.
-expand on factors more to create a fully developed argument
- elevate diction
- state why Indiana might not be as accepting
- avoid contractions and "like"
Indiana should think about the effects that this new law would bring with its approval. A new law like this could most likely have a very negative affect on the attendence and enrollment in many schools. Parents with opposing views would not want their children learning about these things and would turn to private schools or homeschooling. Schools would also have to buy all new textbooks to match the new cirriculum, which would leave less money to fund other programs in the school. While this new law could open up the minds of our future, there aren't enough definite positive sides to back the law up one hundred percent.
- great ideas but they need more elaboration
- try using more transitional phrases to make the argument flow better
-be more formal- avoid contractions and "like"
The state government creates all educational requirements for their state considering their citizens and what they need. Opposing to Illinois, Indiana is a republican state, and with different political views, the law entice a different reaction. Indiana legislature must consider religious beliefs, anti- LBGT community bullying, and the age of the students introduced to the environment. Developing minds might have a negative reaction or the students could be unaware of the occasion. While it is important to learn how the LGBT community connects to history, the educational system might not be the best option for younger students. The integration of LGBT history should occur in high school as the students already have their personal beliefs developed. Our action now to incorporate LGBT history into the education system will allow the people in that community to feel more accepted.
There is a new law in Illinois regarding the teaching of LGBT history in classrooms, the law mandates that LGBT history will be taught in classrooms. Some are hopeful that the law will catch on to other states and teaching LGBT history will become a norm in the classroom. The Indiana Department of Education has to consider if Indiana is ready for this change. For example, are the school attendance numbers going to drop in Indiana if this law is mandated? Illinois is more progressive than Indiana. Legislature needs to consider that the state of Indiana might need more time before this change can take action in our schools.
- fix sentence structure with two independent clauses (first sentence)
- "norm" is informal
- only factor spotting was the issue of possible attendance dropping but did not conclude a reason for this trend
- too much summary of the prompt and article, focus more on your own original thoughts about the topic on hand while at the same time educating the audience on the subject at hand
- last sentence explain why Indiana needs more time
Some factors that must be taken in to consideration before Indiana could mandate a similar law would be considering the opinions of parents and the public. By doing this there should be voting before the Indiana Governor signs off on it as the Illinois Governor did. Given the fact that Illinois is not as conservative as Indiana is, the law would likely not pass.
- need more substance like the first sentence, take your ideas on opinions of the parents and the public opinion and collaborate on the them why do their opinions matter? what about the students?
- state legislature does vote on these laws and once it passes the governor can sign off on it or veto the bill
- explain why being conservative matters to the occasion
Factors should definitely be considered when putting such a consequential law in effect. Schools, parents, students, and communities are the main variety that is substantially affected. The government should think about the schools and their attendance number and what student would be affected by this law. Parents who disagree could cause commotion in students learning. These law officials need to also think about the communities and kids who may or may not suffer from these actions. Bullying is already a major problem today and children whose parents don't agree raise their offspring differently than others; this leads to more conflict in the community between classmates and adults. This law could cause outrage and hysteria socially in any community because they are built up of different thought, beliefs, and people.
- well developed argument, became foggy with "these actions" and the overall flow- try more transitions
- great call to action at the end
The factors that the people would have to take into consideration before being able to mandate a law into Indiana's curriculum like Illinois recently did would be the religious population, the different opinions of those there due to the topic being so controversial. This area of discussion is very relevant for the people of today due to the amount of LGBTQ+ youth. It would be great for society to learn about that since there is no education on the history of it. Though, others might argue that why can they teach this but not about religion but they do briefly teach about religion during World History and this is a topic no one speaks on. So even though we have to take other factors into account for this law due to being controversial but if we have to learn about religion, they can at least listen about the LGBTQ+ community.
- strong argument
- paragraph flows very well
- amp up the diction
Before being able to mandate a law similar to Illinois, Indiana would need to reflect on the actions taken by the students, teachers and community of Illinois. Did Illinois get push back on their new law? Did majority of students, teachers and parents approve of the new law? Indiana educational guidelines are different than those of Illinois and will still need to be met when implementing this new law on LGBTQ history into the education of the public school system. The new law not only effects those outside of the LGBTQ community by educating them on this new subject which is now a part of American history, but it also effects those who are a part of the LGBTQ community and if a law similar to Illinois dangerously effects these peoples, especially children or teens who might be apart of the LGBTQ community then it can not be implemented and these are all factors that have to be considered before Indiana can implement any law similar to Illinois.
- argument is presented well
- try to pose your factors into statements instead of questions at the beginning since you did not specifically answer them
- the last sentence should be a call to action, why is this law so important
Before Indiana is able to mandate a law they should wait and see how people respond with the new law before enforcing one. They should see is there is pushback from the community and if people are open to the new law, as you don't want people the quit attending public schools and then enforce it in the next state for the same thing to happen. Another factor is the teachers and how they feel, it is very important that the ones teaching this need to be okay with it as well. It is very important we learn about LGBTQ history as it is a part of our society and you can't shun things some people don't quite accept because of religion.