The article by Lux Alptraum named "The damaging way we talk about celebrities and mental health" is an article that is eye-opening to the public about the way we treat mental illnesses and addictions. The article talked about the recent overdose by Demi Lovato and explained how after that happened the internet and paparazzi attempted to belittle her and make her seem like she was a horrible person. Celebrities deserve to be treated just as equal as normal everyday people. Many celebrities have their whole careers taken right in front of their eyes do to the internet just because they say or disagree with a certain social conflict that is happening. The idea that every celebrity is happy because they have money is one that is far fetched. Many celebrities, such as Demi Lavato, struggle with addiction and depression and when they try calling out to the public for help, their career will be picked apart and burned like a gasoline fire in a paper house. All in all, everybody deserves to be protected and held to the same standards on the internet. Just because a person is famous does not mean they deserve less respect then someone else.
Great structure and support
good language, well-developed
I think that celebrities should have the same privacy as anyone else. It's not fair for them that they can't do anything outside without being swarmed by paparazzi. Then on top of that their own home isn't safe for them either. They have no protection from people flying drones over their house or snapping pics for their house or trying to get inside. They also have to work very hard to keep anything a secret. Fans feel like they have a right to know every detail about a celebrity and get upset when they want to keep a relationship or a family or personal issue to themselves. We also expect too much from them to be perfect. We hate and bash them when they have any mental issues or when they act out in any way. Everyone has a bad day or has a mental break down from stress, or can have a mental issue. They shouldn't be criticized for being human or wanting privacy and we as people should respect that.
work on mixing up sentence structure- I think... They... Then...
Celebrities should have very good protection because here recently there has been a lot of famous people being killed in shootings. Its not right for someone to be mad or jealous of someone being famous then taking their life over it. Celebrities make a lot of money throughout their career and they should spend some of that money for their own protection so they can slim down the chance of them or the people around them being murdered.
This really wasn't the question- off topic/prompt.
The article titled "The damaging way we talk about celebrities mental health" talks about the media getting too involved with celebrities personal life and mental health. My opinion is that celebrities should have the same privacy as the rest of us and people should respect that people with issues do not need to be scrutinized. The media can really damage someones life because there is little privacy. The author states "But so long as celebrities' personal lives are considered newsworthy, it's a challenge we'll have to deal with"
Don't end with a quote
Don't feel like you have to directly quote- paraphrasing is always better
Celebrities, sometimes the face of the country, being ridiculed for one mess up that happen in one day. Demi Lovato had a drug overdose that the public "scrutinized her for a mental illness." Celebrities personal lives are always under a microscope watching their every move wherever they go, so they can cover something that shouldn't have happen. The protection of the celebrities will honestly never work because in the article it states "Americans follow celebrity news closely" and they will never stop being followed by the media.
I like your main idea
I'd like to see you structure it a little more clearly & more organized
I feel like celebrities should have all the privacy protection in the world. But would some of these celebrities even be famous without paparazzi or something of similar antics. Some celebrities have become famous because of videos or pictures getting leaked to the public. An excellent example would be Kim Kardashian. She got famous because of a pornographic movie that was released. Yes I believe this is wrong, but without it what would we do without KUWTK or Kardashian makeup brands. The point I'm trying to make is, that with privacy, celebrities wouldn't even be considered "celebrities". If there is no juicy material out, who cares about them right? Just like article says, "But so long as celebrities' personal lives are considered newsworthy, it's a challenge we'll have to deal with". Yes celebrities deserve privacy. But media doesn't like privacy.
you wander a bit off topic and off the article
Keep your tone and phrasings more formal
strengthen transitional phrases
The private lives of celebrities should be protected just like anyone else. I do feel its disrespectful to the celebrities because of the way Paparazzi is going about it. Paparazzi feel its okay to take pictures or talk bad about them. Like everyone is human and makes mistakes and celebrities shouldn't have to be on headlines about how they messed up. This is what drives celebrities to depression and mental illness.
be more formal, watch overusing the same words (mix it up)
The way celebritys get treated they have hardly no privacy anymore. Not everything is bad that they post and get pictures of but some things I believe they go too far. Not everyone needs to know everything about there lives. It is cool in a since to see stuff that a celebrity does on a daily basis but I feel like sometimes the paparazzi goes to far.
and some comma errors
This reads very vague, can you back it up with evidence?
Celebrity's personal lives should not be exploited by main stream media, they deserve their privacy just as you and I do. Imagine not being able to go outside without people shoving cameras and microphones in your face. Celebrity's deserve more privacy than what the media are giving them.
support with evidence and add detail
Celebrities private life should have protections for their mental health and the health of their children. Being in the public eye can be dangerous because of scrutiny by the public, and having your private or embarrassing quirks out in the open can really affect the way people view you as a person. People will judge these celebrities and publicly shame them for something they did or ridicule them for not taking good care of them self. The public shouldn't be shaming the celebrities but encourage them to do better.
better vocab this time- nice
themselves and a comma before but
The public scrutinizes celebrities because of their mental illnesses. For example, if the public finds out that you have a mental condition, like OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder), they'll try to have drones or any other means to finding you illness. Some members of the public believe that celebrities are experiencing a "manic episode" or that they are "borderline".
go more in depth and support with evidence
The protections should the private lives of celebrities have in today's world are the mental health by Lux Alptraum. In the text, it shows the celebrities have to deal with unfixable, untrustworthy and totally broken for who have mental illness. which tells that mental health have a lot of problem for their emotions of themselves.
topic sentence does not make a claim